Merv Griffin died August 12th, 2007. I cried.

My grandfather, who was not Merv Griffin, said the most curious things. When asked how he was, he used to respond in one of three ways:

“Sugar up, sugar down”
“50/50”
“Thank you”

Sugar up, sugar down was such a peculiar response, though he was a diabetic so I’m quite certain there was some sense to it.
50/50 was what he said in his later years. Pretty optimistic considering he was actually 30/70.
Finally, in the year or two before he passed away, when asked how he was feeling he would simply reply “thank you”.
Thank you for what? I didn’t do anything. Crazy!

Perhaps the oddest thing that he would say to me though was to call Merv Griffin. When he would inquire about my career and how it was going and after I would respond that it wasn’t, he would advise, “Call Merv Griffin!”

My grandfather did not know Merv Griffin. That was what was so odd. If he had known him, if they were friends, if he had said call my buddy Merv Griffin, here’s his number... that would have been great! That’s not what he was saying. What he was saying was call this big shot that I don’t know and whose number I don’t have and ask him to help you and tell him Adolph Gross sent you.

That was my grandfather’s name. Adolph Gross. Fucking Hitler ruined what was a totally an acceptable name. That guy was such a bastard!

In any case, I thought my grandfather’s advice, though well-intended, was very naïve. I don’t know that much about the entertainment industry, but I don’t think it works like that. I don’t think you can simply call the people in power and ask them straight out for help.

And yet… my grandfather did pretty well in his own businesses. So it seems odd that such an inane comment would come from someone familiar with success. And I have definitely not done well in my chosen profession so it seems equally odd that I would be so quick to label my grandfather’s advice naïve and inane.

If I were successful in my career, I could say without hesitation, that’s not how it’s done. I did it and I can tell you! But I am not a success.

It pains me a little to say that, but it is the truth. Some might debate this as I have a wonderful wife and two great kids, but I am a firm believer that the mark of a failure is someone who needs to redefine success to include their wonderful wife and two great kids.

So let’s not spin my failures. Go spin your own if they get you through the day, but I’ll take mine straight up.

Anyway, Merv Griffin died August 12th, 2007. I never called him. My grandfather died over 10 years ago. I should have called him more. I know if he were alive today I’d call him right now.
“Saba” I’d say, “Merv Griffin is dead… Can you recommend someone else?”

Me and my Saba